Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I gotta roll, can't stand still...

Got a flamin' heart, can't get my fill...

Oops I forgot to take food pictures. (I'm sure you're crying right's okay!)
But I think I have a bit more honing to do when it comes to my vegan cooking skills. The manicotti was edible, the vegan french toast was great, the enchiladas were still a bit frozen inside and my recipe from Good Housekeeping for chocolate pancakes needs to be ripped up!

We definitely didn't go hungry, but I'm obviously not the next Rachel Ray.


I've been thinking a lot lately about my experiences with moving for various reasons. Growing up I lived in four different cities, my parents and brother moved to Edmond when I went to college initially and when I transfered to Drury, my parents were in the process of moving to Tulsa. Shortly after graduating and moving home from Springfield, I found myself packing my life into a U-Haul and headed to Lawrence.

As I reflect on these moves, I find myself a little anxious.

I haven't lived in one place for longer than 7 years.

Will I ever be able to settle down?

Impermanence is my life. My friends, my houses, my stuff all seems transitional. I think I realized from a young age that best friends necklaces aren't promises. Things change. People change. That's just the nature of the universe.

Sometimes I take that understanding as a blessing, but sometimes its a bit scary.

I want to have a home.
But I'm starting to feel like that won't happen until I establish a new life with another person.

I'm frustrated as well about the fact that I feel like I'm not doing a very good job of being there for a friend of mine who is moving. I understand and care and want to be supportive, but I'm worried that I've spent so long disassociating myself and the process of moving that I'm not any help.

I thought maybe writing would get this out of my head and sorted out. Instead I'm just as muddled as when I started. Ugh.


kourtney said...

It is really interesting to read this entry, because I know exactly what you mean, even though I've pretty much lived in the same place my whole life. I've given and received a lot of literal and metaphorical friendship necklaces... I don't even know where half of them ended up. Anyway, I think the best thing for both of us to do is to embrace the impermenance of our lives and have some fun... Because, really, nothing is forever-- and once you're ready, your wanderings will cease. Just try to make sure they don't end before then :)

stephanie said...

as i quickly learned on the tour, home is very much wherever you decide it can be. i felt "at home" in quite a few of the cities i visited, but then i had to leave to go on to possibly not as friendly a place. now that i'm in one place and have been for a year under my own means (that still completely blows my mind) i'm completely torn. i love having a stable place to live but i get itchy feet really quickly and easily.
this is the perfect time in life to be more free. look at it this way- get all the restless out of your system now (and by now i mean over the next 10 or so years), experience life, travel, don't settle down until you find that place that makes you wonder why you would ever want to leave. then that person who you're supposed to settle down with will find you.
staying in one place for longer than seven years has its advantages, but it also has it's disadvantages. think of all the things you've learned, people you've met over the travels. would that have happened had you stayed in one place for longer than seven years?

and vegan french toast? that sounds... interesting.

Kassie said...

Thanks Lindsey. Your support is greatly appreciated and it means a lot to me.