So rather than lying on the floor quietly letting my brain wander and avoiding bright lights I am going to inflict upon you something that has been rattling around inside my head this morning.
Call me co-dependent if you must, but I've been seriously contemplating the idea of companionship and the role it plays in our lives lately. I'm no expert, but it seems to me that humans are naturally social creatures, that we constantly form relationships and seek out familiarity in the people around us. So it makes sense that we partner ourselves off and establish families; we perpetuate the cycle.
But why do we do it? What do we hope to gain out of those relationships?
Is it love and understanding? Are we simply afraid to face the world alone?
Or is it something as simple and biological as sex and procreation and we justify it by calling it love?
And why is it that I ask questions I can't answer? Haha...
I hate post-modernism. I want a meta-narrative, something that tells the whole story for everyone. Hell I'd take positivism- This is the way it is, end of story. Here's the formula for finding the perfect partner and these are the desired results. Because right now I feel like I'm crawling around in the dark without my contacts in.
I wish I could just hand it all over to a higher power. I wish I could honestly believe that I have nothing to do with who I wind up with; that my prince charming has been hand-picked and will be arriving at my door according to God's timing.
But I am SO TIRED of taking a back-seat in my relationships.
I want to do what I want.
I want to be with who I want to be with...not just the guy who wants me.
I'm breaking a bad habit I've had for oh... 8 years now and I'm okay with that.
I think the one of the biggest problems in friendships and other relationships is that we think we know what's best for the other person. We think we understand what they want and need.
But what if what people really want and need is for us to support them in their own decisions? To not take sides or judge, but simply let them be their own people.
I'm going to go sit outside and find the truth beyond Kevin's "Fight, Flight or Fuck Theory".
There has to be more than this.