Eternal Return

Greetings from fabulous Tulsa, Oklahoma...

Tonight my brother and I went to go see my friends Travis and Brian perform at a coffee house. Travis, Brian and I were all interns at good ol' Camp Tawakoni a few years ago and survived quite an interesting summer out there. Both of them are very talented and it was great to catch up and enjoy some wonderful music.

(Grainy camera phone picture courtesy of Nate. Brian is playing the keyboard and Travis is on the bass.)

I always find it amusing and interesting how much I connect my memories with music. The right (or wrong) song can bring back a flood of memories with very little effort, all it takes are the first few notes and suddenly you're back to...well, wherever.

Tonight it was "Doubting Thomas" by Nickel Creek. (The song is on their Myspace and you can listen to it if you click the link. If you haven't heard it you should definitely check it out.) Brian promised me he'd play some Nickel Creek after I whined about him not playing his mandolin (I love hearing NC's song "The Fox") but I wasn't expecting him to make me cry.

You see, there are two very distinct memories that song takes me back to-

One is camp, sitting around a campfire while communion is taking place. Travis is playing guitar and trying to sing, but his voice isn't quite there. The inky black humid night, lit by stars and the occasional airplane was so comfortable for me. There's a certain connection that seems to happen only at camp- an experience of "that which is beyond life". After camp it fades into a vague memory, only to be conjured up in a coffeehouse in Tulsa of all places.

But then your memory takes you someplace else-

To a lake, and a beautiful stormy Sunday morning at an unfamiliar church. A young man is singing his heart out for a congregation who loves him, as I try to hide my tears and Pete plays poker on his phone in the seat next to me. There's a certain ambivalence to the moment- acceptance and peace full of nervousness and excitement; a weekend beyond words and yet so full of them.

Both memories quickly fading and seemingly so far away, I have to decide where to reside...what to remember...

Ah! What about now? I take a breath and allow myself to enjoy the music in the context. Good friends, good chai, good conversation. No need to go someplace else, everything I need is here.

And as Brian finishes the song the way only Brian can, I applaud.
I'm always where I need to be.

----

Easter weekend always makes me contemplative.

So um...here's a picture-

Leia says Happy Easter!

When it's late, and it's hotAnd an hour in the shower is the best that you've got...

It's no secret that I have some strange fears. I'm afraid of closed shower curtains and finding homeless people in dumpsters. Probably the strangest fear, the one which makes everyone say "Whaa? Ha ha ha"- is fish. This was me before going to the Oklahoma Aquarium on Friday-Mark, on the other hand, apparently likes fish. As you can see, he's obviously rather excited to be hanging out with some huge scary looking alligator gar-

I've slowly been trying to conquer this fear. It's not so much of a phobia that it destroys my life, but it would be so much easier to go to the seafood section of a grocery store or to go to a pet store. I spent my time at the aquarium breathing deeply and taking the occasional fish break by heading over to the sting-ray tank to look at creatures that don't create a panicked feeling within my chest. Well, until one of the sting-rays tried to jump out of the tank. I might have screamed...just a little.

Perhaps more important than conquering this fear, to me, is understanding it. So here's my attempt-

First of all, fish in the supermarket scare me because they are a dead thing in their whole form, yet they don't look dead. Ew. That would give anyone the heebie-jeebies I think. I mean come on, they have creepy eyes!

Secondly, and probably what scares me more is fish out of water. The idea that this creepy looking thing is going to die flopping and gasping and I don't know what to do and I won't want to pick it up and I won't be able to because it's flopping and....uggggghhhhhhhhhh.....

My fear is amplified by the idea that a living being will be suffering and I will be unable to help it because I am afraid.

So I breathe and remember that things will happen that are beyond my control. Creatures will live and die and the cycle of life will continue and fish aren't going to jump out of aquariums to attack me. (Homeless people are another story! ;-) Kidding...kidding).

I even found a fish I liked at the aquarium and Mark and I sat down for awhile to watch him and a whole bunch of other fish in the ocean reef tank. As silly as it was, I was pretty proud of myself. Here he is-


I picked him because he looked rather like a pillow I have on my futon...scary mouth and all.
Baby steps.

Where the Wind Comes Sweepin' Down the Plain..

So Lindsey in Lawrence becomes Lindsey in Tulsa for a few days as I drag Marko Polo home with me for the weekend to face my fear of fish at the Oklahoma Aquarium. Ugh.

In the meantime, faithful readers, here's a little treat-

TheMindTaker recently taught me how to use Garage Band on my Mac and we recorded a few things. It's Gabriel on guitar and myself on flute. We are by no means professional musicians or singers but hey, it's good for a laugh! We're working on expanding our Beatles repertoire in order to play on Mass Street and earn money for day-old Jimmy John's.

Can't Buy Me Love

Across the Universe


Enjoy, and have a fabulous weekend!