Thoughts

I felt like ranting, but I think Star Jones summed it up well on her Huffington Post blog.

In other news, the Westboro "Baptist" "Church" is going to not only protest Heath Ledger's memorial service but also the Oscars with signs that say "Heath in Hell".

Sick.

If there is anyone who can test my ability to have compassion for others, it's the Phelps family.

How do you love those who love to hate?

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It's strange when celebrities pass on. It's not like I knew him personally, but it's hard not to mourn the death of a talented actor and a real person who loved and was loved. The boy-crazy 15 year old in me cried a little when I heard the news on NPR. I'll miss seeing his presence on film and I'll keep his family in my thoughts and prayers.

*Spoiler Alert* 27 Dresses

So while I'm usually all for supporting the film industry, I have to admit that I did something rather unethical and watched a boot-legged Japanese recording of "27 Dresses" online last night. Yeah maybe the whole screen wasn't in the shot the whole time, and maybe there was a hand that covered the lens a few times, but you get what you pay for eh? :-)

It was an enjoyable chick-flick, that's for sure, but I was rather disappointed in the ending.
(Like I said.... *SPOILER ALERT*)

Jane (the protagonist) spends most of the movie mooning over her boss, who has fallen in love and plans on marrying her sister. Jane, as you can probably guess from the trailer, is the ultimate bridesmaid who helps and worries about everyone else instead of herself. The first 3/4 were full of fun, expected witty banter, humorous situations and of course, the 27 dresses ("You could totally shorten it and wear it again!").

However, the end takes a strange turn as Jane completely humiliates her sister at the engagement party and (sort of) tells her boss that she's over him only to chase after the jackass wedding column writer she's known for a few weeks....because she suddenly realizes he's "The One".

I know, I know...it's a chick flick, I shouldn't be so shocked, but it got me thinking. The wedding industry is huge, raking in something like $90 billion dollars a year. Bridal shows, bridal magazines, bridal consultants, even whole reality shows devoted to fabulous weddings with all the trimmings. Wedding porn is EVERYWHERE.

But why? You can't tell me that it's some sort of female instinct to want to spend thousands of dollars to wear a 50 lb. frilly dress for a few short hours. It isn't natural to worry about seating arrangements, proper engagement announcement etiquette and stress about the details down to the table linens. So who or what is to blame?

I think the only answer is capitalism. The Western consumeristic/materialistic ideals permeate the marriage ceremony and people are getting rich off of brides swept up into the whirlwind of having their "dream wedding". The wedding industry reinforces gender stereotypes and tells us we should want to want things...lots of things!

But that's neither hear nor there, because my real question is-

Can you be a feminist and support capitalism?

I am so not a fan of state-approved granny panties and lately I've been giving into the consumerist machine (But I totally needed that Jack LaLanne power juicer!) but I can't help but cringe when I think about how I'm fueling the industry that causes all sorts of image, body and debt issues in young people. So what's a girl to do?
(Probably not what I'm doing right now, which is O.D.ing on French Twists from Barry's Bakery and watching 1 v. 100...I could totally beat the mob. If you made it through that long winded rant, here's a photo of my favorite bridesmaid dress from Kat's wedding!)

these are the nights when growing up is the most difficult
independence becomes painful.

after midnight
after streams of tears
after a day of potential sickness becoming

actualized

after the boyfriend gives up
after it's too late to call my parents
(and accidentally make them feel guilty for stressful genes)
after it's all said and

done

my one bedroom apartment becomes a solitary confinement of over-exaggeration, cliches, and
kleenex
the prison guard- myself.

A Day In the Life Pt. 2

This new semester started off in stark contrast to the fall semester. Instead of dripping in sweat and wishing I had a shirt to change into, I found myself dripping snot and wishing I had an extra shirt or two on. Oh Kansas, what would I do without your four beautiful seasons?

My classes this semester will prove to be a much needed challenge, as I am taking two seminar classes which will be very reading intensive and involve at least two 25-35 page papers by the end of the semester. One of the seminar classes is another theory class, so more Freud, Durkheim, Marx, Jung, etc... and the other seminar class is Native American religions. All this is balanced out by my third class, Women and Violence, which will be my first class in the Women's Studies department. Hopefully I'll leave KU not only with my MA in Religious Studies but also with a certification in Women's Studies. Whew...

Women and Violence won't be an easy course by any means. We'll spend literally the first half of the semester covering rape, a fourth on domestic violence and the final fourth on childhood sexual abuse. It's a large class, I would guess at least 40 people, which means statistically speaking 10 of us have been raped or sexually assaulted in some form or another. I expect that over the course of the class, many of those stories will be told. It will definitely be a test of inner strength.

In other news, I now own a juicer. I'm pretty psyched because I've gotten hooked on fresh apple juice. Mmmm! As I walked out of Bed Bath and Beyond carrying my new favorite appliance, I decided today is the day that I start really eating right. For months now I've been saying "I need to eat healthier, I need to eat better food" but now I'm actually doing it.

I'm cutting down on refined sugar and yeast (I can hear the Riesling and Left Hand Milk Stout bottles crying as I write this), and I'm going to add more fruits, veggies and water to my diet.... right after I finish this Pop-Tart (Last one! I swear!). Wish me luck :-)

What a day. I'm tired.

Oh Technology...

First of let me say that I can't wait until I'm old enough to just be crazy in public. Well not crazy crazy...more like paranoid and slightly senile. When I finally reach this age I fully intend to go shopping and drive unsuspecting 20-somethings just trying to work their way through grad. school absolutely nuts.

Today Zach and I politely listened as a lady told us all about how she never gives out her phone number or her social security or any personal information, and even if someone did steal her identity her checking account never has more than $75 unless they were to get her before rent...yup. We smiled and nodded and wished her a great day. Ohhh I can't wait to be that lady!

But it made me think about identity theft, which made me consider the internet and just how easy it is to find out anything about anyone. We're so free with our information on online networking sites like Facebook and Myspace as well as other sites. I'm an expert at google-stalking, facebook-stalking; give me a name or screen name and a town (home town or otherwise) and in a few minutes I can dig up all sorts of information on anyone.

For example, I can tell you Mark's time in the 200 meter dash at the Missouri Relays his senior year of high school. I can also tell you what time Gabe's movie "Night Watch" was shown at the KAN Film Festival in 2004. My brother has all sorts of TCU student government sites to be found, but you can also locate his xanga from highschool.

Innocent stuff really, but I can also tell you which of my ex-boyfriends likes looking at certain...well...nevermind. It's disgusting. (And no, it's not anyone who has a blog. Relax.)

We act so at home on the internet, so relaxed.
It offers us so many different ways to connect to people, but at what cost?

I'm starting to feel like we no longer have private lives.
(She writes to the absolute strangers who stumble upon her blog looking for song lyrics and quotes from Eternal Sunshine...sigh.)

Long Time No Blog...

I guess I decided to take a little bit of a hiatus from blogging during my winter break from classes. I've been working more and traveling and trying to just relax, so really the internet hasn't been a priority for me. So here are a few thoughts from between now and then...

Christmas was a wonderful time for me. My family came together at my grandparent's house in Topeka and it was great to see them. My only regret is that I let my job in retail completely spoil the magic of the Christmas season. So here I am, 3 verses in to "Silent Night" at the Presbyterian church in Topeka on Christmas Eve and I am almost in tears because I realize I've been blinded by the pre-packaged jolliness sold at Pier 1. Needless to say I made sure to enjoy every moment spent with my family from that point on.

After Christmas I was fortunate enough to join Mark's family in St. Louis to see "Wicked" at the Fox Theater. Wow. That's really all I can say. I'd forgotten just how breathtaking live professional theatre is, and this particular musical showcases some amazing female talent. I'm so grateful to the Walter family for letting me come with them. And I can't wait for February when Mark and I get to see Avenue Q!

On a less happy note, Harry passed away. I miss my little stinky friend, but after a nasty struggle with e.coli poisoning, I'm glad he's not suffering anymore. I wrote an entry about it for Peter Clothier's project, the "Accidental Dharma" blog, so if you'd like to read more you can click here. (And while you're there you should think about submitting your own entry!)


One last thought, inspired by (of all things) "America's Next Top Model" (okay and a few conversations with Mark)- I need to find a passion, or at least discern where my passions really lie. Every season of ANTM Tyra questions the girls who are competing, asking them "Is this what you really REALLY want? Is this what you're the most passionate about?" which made me wonder...what am I really REALLY passionate about?

I have this nasty habit of wanting to be good at everything I do, and the end result is that I'm mediocre at a lot of things but not good at one thing specifically. So that's my goal for this new year- trying to figure out exactly what it is I want out of life and what I am passionate about. I want to focus my energy and get excited.

What are you going to do with 2008? Hmm?

PS: My current passion that is keeping me away from the internet-


Cross stitching! :-)