Long Time No Blog...

I guess I decided to take a little bit of a hiatus from blogging during my winter break from classes. I've been working more and traveling and trying to just relax, so really the internet hasn't been a priority for me. So here are a few thoughts from between now and then...

Christmas was a wonderful time for me. My family came together at my grandparent's house in Topeka and it was great to see them. My only regret is that I let my job in retail completely spoil the magic of the Christmas season. So here I am, 3 verses in to "Silent Night" at the Presbyterian church in Topeka on Christmas Eve and I am almost in tears because I realize I've been blinded by the pre-packaged jolliness sold at Pier 1. Needless to say I made sure to enjoy every moment spent with my family from that point on.

After Christmas I was fortunate enough to join Mark's family in St. Louis to see "Wicked" at the Fox Theater. Wow. That's really all I can say. I'd forgotten just how breathtaking live professional theatre is, and this particular musical showcases some amazing female talent. I'm so grateful to the Walter family for letting me come with them. And I can't wait for February when Mark and I get to see Avenue Q!

On a less happy note, Harry passed away. I miss my little stinky friend, but after a nasty struggle with e.coli poisoning, I'm glad he's not suffering anymore. I wrote an entry about it for Peter Clothier's project, the "Accidental Dharma" blog, so if you'd like to read more you can click here. (And while you're there you should think about submitting your own entry!)


One last thought, inspired by (of all things) "America's Next Top Model" (okay and a few conversations with Mark)- I need to find a passion, or at least discern where my passions really lie. Every season of ANTM Tyra questions the girls who are competing, asking them "Is this what you really REALLY want? Is this what you're the most passionate about?" which made me wonder...what am I really REALLY passionate about?

I have this nasty habit of wanting to be good at everything I do, and the end result is that I'm mediocre at a lot of things but not good at one thing specifically. So that's my goal for this new year- trying to figure out exactly what it is I want out of life and what I am passionate about. I want to focus my energy and get excited.

What are you going to do with 2008? Hmm?

PS: My current passion that is keeping me away from the internet-


Cross stitching! :-)

Can you blame the sky for having clouds?

(If you don’t feel like reading there’s a cute hamster picture at the end of this entry ;-) )

A paper I wrote for my Religious Perspectives on War and Peace class yesterday morning (7 pages in 2 hours...I still rock!) got me thinking about the nature of my personality versus the person I desire to be.

My paper dealt with "conflict transformation", specifically what various religious groups are doing to aid in the process. My research gave me a plethora of examples, and I am still in awe of those individuals who bravely put their own lives on the line to help resolve and transform conflict in violent, tense situations.

Allow me to let you in on the train of thought which led from the Catholic Relief Services to my personal discomfort with how snarky I can be when it comes to ex-boyfriends-

I wonder what causes conflict, what is at the root of hatred? In my small group in class we swerved pretty far off topic and found ourselves discussing Mel Gibson's hate speech during his DUI arrest. It was unimaginable to us how an individual could hate another person so much simply because of their race or religion or what have you.

A quote I used in my paper from Douglas Johnston makes me wonder…

“Reconciliation born of spiritual conviction can play a critical role by inspiring conflicting parties to move beyond the normal human reaction of responding in kind, of returning violence for violence”

Is this really the “normal human reaction”? Is this what we’re programmed to do? Is my default setting hatred and a thirst for retribution?

Sometimes I think that might be true. I’m horrible when it comes to ex-boyfriends…don’t think that I don’t have multiple scripts in my mind of mean snarky things I’d love to say to them, especially if their wives/fiancées/girlfriends were around. The hurt I felt has congealed into repulsion and general spitefulness.

So I’m working through it; I’m working through the hurt to transform my own conflicts into positive energy. I want so badly to live the Eightfold Path, to truly love my neighbor as myself…but why should that be a such a struggle for me unless I’m inherently broken?

So what is it?

Can you blame the sky for having clouds?
(Inherent goodness with a few bad days)

Or

Can you blame a fire for burning?
(Inherent brokenness explains everything)

I'd love to hear what you think...

Here’s the afore-promised hamster picture! Aww…

Harry Krishna

Pictures are over rated sometimes...here's a video-



Mark decided I needed a reason to come home at night, so he got me this adorable hamster. We had a few issues last night with a noisy wheel, but now that I've got that problem fixed Harry and I are quite peacefully co-habitating.

Expect to hear more about him now that I have become a crazy hamster lady.

And before I forget, thank you to Eli for agreeing to be Harry's godfather...you can school him in the ways of musical theatre and Wii!