Monday, September 17, 2007

I Don't Believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I Wanna Do Is...


My early birthday present from my parents this year was a bicycle.
I was really excited about going for rides and being able to get to class much easier...that was until about 11:15 today.

The Mindtaker was kind enough to accompany me on my inaugural ride, thankfully, because not too long into my ride I thought the bottom half of my body was going to forcibly remove itself from me. Okay perhaps I'm being a bit over-dramatic (Me? Never!), but I hadn't been on a bike in forever and it really REALLY hurt. I wanted to quit. We weren't even on campus yet and I wanted to give up and walk the damn thing home.

Gabriel was patient with me, (I'll admit I was acting like a five year old) and reminded me that it would get easier, that I should put the bike in a lower gear, and that I could do it. He didn't agree when I made disparaging comments about how I looked like a "dipwad" pedaling in such a low gear, and even humored my attempt at feigning bike knowledge when I told him he needed to raise his seat. We managed to make it all the way to the religious studies building and back...even surviving the descent down a steep hill directly south of my apartment complex. No brakes....next time. :-) Thanks Gabe, I couldn't have done it without you.

Supposedly you never forget how to ride a bike. I call bullshit on that one. I needed time to re-learn, to gain balance, to use muscles long forgotten.

I think my spiritual life is looking more and more the same way. It's been so long since I've legitimately practiced, actually put devotion and intention into it, that I'm scared. I try a little, here and there, but 5 minutes into it I'm about ready to give up...and I do.

I'm realizing more and more that spirituality is hard to foster (at least for me) by yourself. I need someone who can show me compassion and patience when I'm acting like a five year old. Someone who will encourage me and explore with me and not let me give up.

I used to think that everyone who followed some sort of organized religion were sheep. (Cynicism and skepticism are my vices.) But more and more it'd be nice to find someone who has a vague idea of what's going on, advice on how to get where I want to go and insights to share.

I just don't know that church is where I want to be. Even where I need to be.
Isn't there a lower gear for this whole spirituality thing?

3 comments:

Themindtaker said...

And yet again I am reminded of my favorite verse from the Samyutta Nikaya, ending with the quote:
"Say not so, Ananda, say not so. Spiritual friendship is the whole of the spiritual life!"

I may know even less about the true nature of existence (or if there even is one) than I do about bicycles, but I'm still willing to be your spiritual friend.

And thanks for the kind words, I thought it was a fun morning. :)

Nate said...

"Supposedly you never forget how to ride a bike. I call bullshit on that one."

haha

PeterAtLarge said...

"I need someone who can show me compassion and patience when I'm acting like a five year old. Someone who will encourage me and explore with me and not let me give up." Hate to remind you of what I'm sure you already know, Lindsey, but the best person--the only person, really--who can do this is... yourself. I don't know you, but my guess is you're a big girl now! Call on the big one to take care of the little one, who seems to be acting up right now.