Opportunity

Last night at work gave me the perfect opportunity to reach outside myself and practice compassion.

I was in a grumpy mood when I showed up for my 1-9:30 shift yesterday. I was going to grit my teeth and get it done, but I was going to grumble my way through it.

Things changed however when I realized I wasn't the only one having a bad day. My friends who were working that night were having it a lot more rough than perhaps I
ever have.

So I took a deep breath and took Thich Nhat Hahn's advice about intentional listening and deep understanding. I can only hope that talking to someone helped them to feel a little better, but I will probably never know. I do know however that it felt good for me to step outside myself and try to genuinely be there for another person. It's an amazing experience when time and the rest of the world slows down and you can mindfully be present with another human being.

I think the hardest part of understanding suffering is understanding (and more so accepting) that not only is the victim hurting, but the one who perpetrated the hurt is suffering just as much if not more so. We like to "otherize" people who hurt us. We don't want to understand or feel compassion for our enemies.

I like the quote on Kat's facebook profile- "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

Another thought- Sushi four times in the past week. Not only am I spoiled, I'm probably going to get mercury poisoning.

Do you care for tea?
Clean cup, clean cup. Move down!

---EDIT---



Lindsey Dayafter got bored checking out churches and other serene places, so she headed to a place called "Lucifer's Nightclub" or something to that effect to get her groove on. I don't know how long I can continue with this Second Life experiment because I'm already tired of people propositioning me. Get a life people...sheesh.
Oh wait...

A Peace of My Heart

I have this bad habit that I'm desperately trying to un-learn.

Sometimes I feel like I'm an interruption, an inconvenience, in the lives of others.

I know exactly where this feeling comes from- damage done years ago, perpetuated by myself in the current situation.

But here's the real stumbling block for me- (and I'm confessing this in such a public forum as a way of forcing myself to deal with it)

I feel like if I forgive those in my past who (un?)intentionally caused these wounds, I'm condoning their actions.

If I forgive them, let go of these feelings of inadequacy, they get off scot-free. Like any good American I want "justice" (read: retribution). And for some reason me holding a grudge for years and years is going to achieve that?

Honestly, who am I really hurting by holding onto the hurt?
Oh yeah, me.

The feelings of inconvenience and inadequacy aren't the root of the problem, they're simply a symptom.
This is going to take some deep-seeing and understanding on my part. Patience. That's all I'm asking for.