Sometimes I feel like I'm an interruption, an inconvenience, in the lives of others.
I know exactly where this feeling comes from- damage done years ago, perpetuated by myself in the current situation.
But here's the real stumbling block for me- (and I'm confessing this in such a public forum as a way of forcing myself to deal with it)
I feel like if I forgive those in my past who (un?)intentionally caused these wounds, I'm condoning their actions.
If I forgive them, let go of these feelings of inadequacy, they get off scot-free. Like any good American I want "justice" (read: retribution). And for some reason me holding a grudge for years and years is going to achieve that?
Honestly, who am I really hurting by holding onto the hurt?
Oh yeah, me.
The feelings of inconvenience and inadequacy aren't the root of the problem, they're simply a symptom.
This is going to take some deep-seeing and understanding on my part. Patience. That's all I'm asking for.
