Eternal Return

Greetings from fabulous Tulsa, Oklahoma...

Tonight my brother and I went to go see my friends Travis and Brian perform at a coffee house. Travis, Brian and I were all interns at good ol' Camp Tawakoni a few years ago and survived quite an interesting summer out there. Both of them are very talented and it was great to catch up and enjoy some wonderful music.

(Grainy camera phone picture courtesy of Nate. Brian is playing the keyboard and Travis is on the bass.)

I always find it amusing and interesting how much I connect my memories with music. The right (or wrong) song can bring back a flood of memories with very little effort, all it takes are the first few notes and suddenly you're back to...well, wherever.

Tonight it was "Doubting Thomas" by Nickel Creek. (The song is on their Myspace and you can listen to it if you click the link. If you haven't heard it you should definitely check it out.) Brian promised me he'd play some Nickel Creek after I whined about him not playing his mandolin (I love hearing NC's song "The Fox") but I wasn't expecting him to make me cry.

You see, there are two very distinct memories that song takes me back to-

One is camp, sitting around a campfire while communion is taking place. Travis is playing guitar and trying to sing, but his voice isn't quite there. The inky black humid night, lit by stars and the occasional airplane was so comfortable for me. There's a certain connection that seems to happen only at camp- an experience of "that which is beyond life". After camp it fades into a vague memory, only to be conjured up in a coffeehouse in Tulsa of all places.

But then your memory takes you someplace else-

To a lake, and a beautiful stormy Sunday morning at an unfamiliar church. A young man is singing his heart out for a congregation who loves him, as I try to hide my tears and Pete plays poker on his phone in the seat next to me. There's a certain ambivalence to the moment- acceptance and peace full of nervousness and excitement; a weekend beyond words and yet so full of them.

Both memories quickly fading and seemingly so far away, I have to decide where to reside...what to remember...

Ah! What about now? I take a breath and allow myself to enjoy the music in the context. Good friends, good chai, good conversation. No need to go someplace else, everything I need is here.

And as Brian finishes the song the way only Brian can, I applaud.
I'm always where I need to be.

----

Easter weekend always makes me contemplative.

So um...here's a picture-

Leia says Happy Easter!

Star of Wonder...

(The picture is the view from my apartment's back door.)

I love the light pollution winter brings.

The remaining snow on the ground reflects the light from the street lights, the stadium and parking lots and it is gorgeous.

It reminds me of those longs summer nights at camp, but instead of a campfire I'll take a fire in the fireplace and the ice cold beer has been replaced by peppermint schnapps in hot chocolate.

It is beautiful crisp evenings like this that I walk a little slower to my apartment door and take another cold deep breath.

Life is beautiful.

I'm off to Springfield for a few days to celebrate birthdays, finish my Second Life paper and possibly get snowed in. :-)

The Devil's Rejects

(That was my secret name for my small group at camp...11 eighth graders, and while they weren't a family of serial killers by any means, singing that Rob Zombie song on the way to small group always made me smile.)

Oh camp. It's always such a great experience, but never one that can accurately be communicated in any medium. You really do just have to be there. I'm about to attempt the impossible.

I spent last week at the Disciples Center at Camp Tawakoni with 45 eighth graders and a great group of counselors. This was the camp I interned at the two previous summers, but this was my first time counseling what we call "Pre-High". It's always strange having that many eighth graders in one place, especially since I'd known them since they were only Chi Rhoers in sixth grade. The hormones are flying, the anticipation of high school is present but at the same time, they're really just looking for someone to look up to and someone to tell them what to do.

I, being the religious mutt (to borrow a term from Mark) that I am, knew that I wouldn't be a great source of spiritual guidance for these kids but I made it my goal to try and reach them somehow. I wanted them to leave camp ready for high school, with a good sense of who they are.

We had a lot of fun playing all sorts of great camp games and cheating at them every chance we could. I am the Queen of The Mighty Mighty Scoop Noodle Challenge...and by that I mean I know a dozen different ways to cheat. We got in trouble for setting a bad example for the kids, but I still loved K.C.'s (a fellow counselor) motto of "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin' hard enough".

Hopefully the worship experience were meaningful for the campers. Director Jolly did a great job of putting a lot of thought into what she shared with them each night, and the last night we had communion and a really great candlelighting ceremony.

My cabin was a lot of fun- 20 loud obnoxious girls with more eyeliner than a drag show. Every morning (much to their dismay) I woke them up with the Beatles. I was especially proud of the rainy morning when I woke them up with every Beatles song that has the word "sun" in it. They complained that they didn't like my taste in music one night, so the next morning I woke them up to the finale of the 1812 Overture at full volume. The complaining quickly ceased.

My small group posed a challenge for me. I'm great at large group stuff- leading games, songs...whatever. But when it comes to small group discussions and activities I'll admit- it's my weakness. Everyday was a struggle with these kids. They wouldn't focus, at least not on the right things and heaven forbid I brought up God...then the conversation was over.

But there was one evening where I feel like I finally imparted some tiny bit of knowledge on them. We were talking about the story of Ruth and Naomi and survival. We'd played a game dealing with the food chain and animals depending on one another. I had their attention for a moment so I started teaching them about the Buddhist idea of interdependent arising. How everything is part of everything else. I watched their little minds blow as we talked about all the things and people that are present in the food we eat. We went on to talk about mindfulness and my vegetarianism and being thankful for the lives of the animals we eat. It was a great discussion.

It was little moments like those that kept me going through the week. Little glimpses that I had broken through to them, that they were actually thinking for themselves. It was pretty awesome.

These kids are the future. I hope that I made some sort of difference in their lives.
I'm constantly amazed by the potential they have, and it's sad that most older people write them off as no good.

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have worked with these kids....camp is such a powerful experience and I'm glad I could be a part of it.

Like I said, words just never do it justice...

Green Tea Just Tastes Better...

when you're drinking it from a Starbucks mug. :-)

I'm sitting here taking a moment to just breathe before a week of non-stop church camp goodness.

I'm off to Pre-High camp this afternoon with 50 eighth graders.
I might be a little crazy, I know, but I just can't resist the draw of "Istanbul" and "Peace Like a River"!

So no blog posts for another week, but I'm sure I'll have great stories to tell and hopefully some great insights when I get back.

If you feel so inclined to write to me here's the address-

8492 SW Tawakoni Road
Augusta, KS 67010

Have a great week!

Step Back and Watch it Flow

This past weekend I took a trip to the Lake to go visit Mark. It was wonderful- the beauty of the lake, the joy of discussion and companionship, a chance to just breathe.

Being surrounded by nature and beauty and getting my feet muddy made me desperately miss being at camp. I feel almost useless this summer. Yes, I have a job at Pier 1 now (for which I am very very grateful)...but just how much am I going to change the world by selling people a $150 ceramic Amitabha Buddha that they think looks "trendy"?

It might seem strange- me, some sort of Buddhist-Christian "mutt" longing to be at church camp, but I'm a Martha. You know-

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" (Luke 10)

I enjoy making preparations, making sure things run smoothly. As much as they drained me, I loved those 10 hour days on the challenge course watching the kids have fun and learn and interact. I loved setting their campfires and tending to them while the camps worshiped. Hell I loved doing dishes!

I want to serve. It fulfills me.

But this weekend I realized that maybe it's time to let Martha rest for awhile. Maybe it's time to discover my inner Mary.

41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10)

It's time to sit and listen...to my friends and family, to those older and younger than me, to those who love and those who hate me.

It's time to listen to myself. To sit quietly and seek understanding.

To listen to God.

It's difficult to keep perspective when there is tragedy and sadness in the world.
But I was reminded this weekend that life really is good and I really am blessed.

Now all I need to do is learn to keep my mouth shut when others are talking...because I never know what amazing things they might have to say...